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Anadaric's Joke of The Day


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#41
Tobiash

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Twenty Years Ago
A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.

"Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.

"Yes, I do," she replied.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making out?"

"Yes, I remember."

"Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?'"

"Yes, I do," she said.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know...I would have gotten out today."
 



#42
Anadaric

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What does a fern have in its house?

 

Fern-iture



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#43
Tobiash

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 A young blonde secretary was describing her blind date to a friend.
"After dinner," she said, "he wanted to come back to my apartment, but I refused.
I told him my mother would worry if I did anything like that." "That was smart," her friend said, approvingly.
"Then what happened?" "He kept insisting, and I kept refusing," the secretary said. "You didn't weaken your resolve, did you?" asked the friend.
"Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured, let his mother worry."



#44
Tobiash

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Husband Wife
 
Wife: "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
Husband: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."


#45
Anadaric

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If you can say these 4 words out loud super fast without getting tongue tied, you're a genius. 

 

Eye

Yam

Stew

Peed



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#46
Lemac

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Copied from Facebook:

 

 

A young couple were having sex in the back of the man's panel van when, suddenly, the girl yells out, "Oh, big boy, whip me! Whip me!"

The guy had no whip but, in a flash of inspiration, opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip the girl until they both collapse in S&M ecstasy.

A week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the whipping session are beginning to fester and goes to her doctor, immediately upon seeing this he asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"

The girl embarrassed admits that, yes, she did. 

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor says, "I thought so because in all my years of doctoring, you have the worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen".



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#47
St Mungo

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:eng101:
 
The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil.
 
 Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.
 
 One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.
 
 'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'
 
 When Susie didn't stir, little Jack who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.
 
 'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.
 
 The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.
 
A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'
 
 But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, little Jack came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.
 
'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.
 
And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back 
asleep.
 
 
The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'
 
Again, Jack came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'
 
The Nun fainted. :eng101:


#48
General Gorgoth

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A teacher asks a young boy "If I give you 5 apples and take back 3 then what are you left with?", the boy thinks for a moment before replying, "Trust issues."






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